Spider Slayer!

My outline for Spider Slayer is finally fleshed out. Now I've just got to beef it up with some detail, and boom--Novel. I expect to have it finished before November is out.

Beta Readers, anyone?

Please?

Not that I seem to need one. Holy crap--I found out today that my girlfriend is the harshest fiction critic in the world. And I love it. She tore a scene I'd finished today to shreds--absolute shreds--and it showed me exactly what I was doing wrong.

I deleted the whole thing and reworked it. Changed the POV, reworked my character interactions, and refocused the scene. It reads much better now.

I'm very, very exciting about this novel. I think, this time, I'll finally have something I can sell.

And if I can't, I'll still be damn proud of it.

Pump 6

I just finished reading Paolo Bacigalupi's Pump 6 in Fantasy and Science Fiction, and I must say I'm a bit surprised that it saw the printed page.

Don't get me wrong--the author did a brilliant job of bringing a particular world to life.

But that's all he did. Aside from showing me the rise of dystopia, Bacigalupi did nothing of literary note in his story. There's no real conclusion to the story--and the story itself seems like a cheap way to say, "Society is falling apart! Lookie!"

The story could have been so much more. Short fiction is such a hard venue, though--and selling anything to Fantasy and Science Fiction is nothing short of a miracle. Still--an ending would have been nice. I'd have loved to see Bacigalupi use his massively impressive skill to convey something deep, something thought provoking. Half human mutants fornicating in the street isn't thought provoking--it's irritating.

Perhaps he just touched a nerve with me when he compared his trog-mutants to college students. Or perhaps I didn't like the fact that his protagonist was given no chance to succeed or fail. There was no closure with his demented boss, no closure with his girlfriend trying to get pregnant. Just a heavy handed message about how bad the world is getting, and how we're all too stupid and medicated to fix it.

And I really don't dig that. Because I don't think its true. I see a lot of hope for the world. I see medicine advancing every day. I see the new atom smasher in Europe farting scientific breakthroughs every minute. I see us achieving a Mars landing in my lifetime. I see people really starting to take note of the environment and, in doing so, taking care of it.

I really don't think it'll ever get as bad as Bacigalupi seems to suggest.

-Bart out.

Webcomics

I'm a rabid webcomic fan. Always have been.

That said, I wonder if the author of CTRL-ALT-DEL is making horrible things happen to his characters for any particular reason, or if he just likes writing mediocre soap operas. I'm all for a fellow writer expanding his horizons, but I wonder if he would have been better exploring this odd melodrama in some new venue.

Girl Genius needs to update 12 times a day. That is all.

Done! BUAHAHAHAH!

I finished a short story called "Sister, Sister," which is about demonic possession. I'm editing it now, getting critiques, and exploring possible places to sell it.

The final incarnation of this story is about 6000 words long.

I'm so glad to have it finally finished. I started writing it shortly after my best friend, Shweta, shared a song with me called "The Bonny Swans." This is the last thing of mine that my father ever got to help me with, and I wish he was here to finally read the ending.

Curious parties can read it via email, if they ask me really nicely.

I just read an awesome first chapter in SYW over at AW.

The password is not hard to figure out, if you simply go the main forum directory and look at the SYW forum description. However, we could say that it is the name of a certain, unpopular windows OS that has been recently released. And starts with a V.

The story moves wonderfully and has a fresh, exciting style. I want to see more writing like this--minus a few things I pointed out in my critique. I love it when I stumble onto something awesome.

Also, I'm writing a review for Kim Harrison's "For a Few Demons More." If the review doesn't make it to AW, look for it here.

Back to what I actually, you know, do.

With the semester over, I can finally start worrying about fiction again.

I've shipped An Exploration of Obsession (820 words, romance/humor) out to Saint Ann's Review.

Likewise, I'm trying a more literary piece, Eavesdropper, (600 words) out at ChiZine, though I have a feeling it isn't quite dark enough to be their cuppa.

If either of my two readers would like to read these, shoot me a line.

I AM still working on the Spider Slayer novel. It's sitting at about 11,000 words, but it's on a tiny hiatus until I finish a short story with the working title, "The Giant," which currently occupies 1200 words of my computer.

Music

Emily and Fiona (I believe those are the names of the two girls in the video below) inspired me to pick my flute up again.

Star of the County Down, Key of D Major

It's nice to actually have time to play my flute. My final final (O, the wit) is in a few hours. I will be trying to forget everything I know about algebra until then, and the flute is going to help.

I found the most adorable video on youtube.



They're so talented! I know they've got a few kinks, vocally, but putting together a duet like that, retaining the flavor of a song that so many people butcher amazes me. I've tried to coordinate duets. It's hard. Nice job, girls. Hats off.

School shooting forewarned, JCCC

Some odd weeks ago, one of the ASL professors discovered a piece of bathroom graffiti that read, "I will shoot the school in May."

School security has more or less been going nuts--I always see them running somewhere, lately. And who can blame them? If you throw a stone at a hornet nest, it inevitably results in angry hornets. And that ruins everything for anyone in the area.

Today, I found "MAY 15" scrawled into a bathroom stall in the JCCC library. The school gestapo came after I reported it and collected all of my personal info. I have nothing to hide and no real reluctance about answering questions such as, "Where do you live?" and "what is your phone number?" -- but I can't help feel like they had no real reason to ask me about that and not bother to ask me questions relevant to the issue. Unless of course my reporting the graffiti automatically makes me a suspect. And if this is the case, why would I ever call something like this to their attention again?

The librarian theorized that some highschooler was trying to get out of a Thursday final. It makes sense, but I can't help but be wary, given the recent number of school shootings.

If someone pulls a gun at my school, they'd better kill me on the first shot.

And believe you me, if I find the little prick writing this crap in the bathrooms, he'd better hope I don't catch up to him in a cold, dark alley. I'll break his little fingers.

The school is installing cameras over all of the bathroom doors. No word yet as to whether these are fake or not (a number of fake cameras sit in the parking garage as an attempt to deter pranksters and thieves) -- but it creates another problem altogether, in my opinion. Do we really want to attend a school where there is a solid record of our every biological function?

I wonder if some over-shy girl won't explode her bladder trying to wait for the nice, private bathroom in her home.

I'm fuzzy too--how come they don't love me!?

Awesome Spider Photo filched from SKI.ORG.

Six Blind Men

My friend Shweta showed me a poem today - The Six Blind Men of Hindustan. It seems particularly relevant to my life right now, as I keep upsetting my fiancee (Angela, a devout Christian) with my own, differing beliefs. I've been trying to find a way to express to her a certain idea; that two people can believe opposite things and neither of them be correct. I haven't said this because I know how very sensitive the subject seems to be.

The poem is by John Godfrey Saxe, and reads thus:

There were six men of Hindustan,
to learning much inclined,
Who went to see an elephant,
though all of them were blind,
That each by observation
might satisfy his mind.

The first approached the elephant,
and happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
at once began to bawl,
"This mystery of an elephant
is very like a wall."

The second, feeling of the tusk,
cried, "Ho, what have we here,
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear,
This wonder of an elephant
is very like a spear."

The third approached the elephant,
and happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
thus boldly up and spake,
"I see," quoth he,
"the elephant is very like a snake."

The fourth reached out an eager hand,
and felt above the knee,
"What this most wondrous beast
is like is very plain" said he,
"'Tis clear enough the elephant
is very like a tree."

The fifth who chanced to touch the ear
said, "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
deny the fact who can;
This marvel of an elephant
is very like a fan."

The sixth no sooner had begun
about the beast to grope,
Than seizing on the swinging tail
that fell within his scope;
"I see," said he, "the elephant
is very like a rope."

So six blind men of Hindustan
disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
exceeding stiff and strong;
Though each was partly in the right,
they all were in the wrong!

So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!

Hub.

I think I found a home for my occasional rant.

I also think I may use this place for my Sutta Project.

There isn't a lot of potential for income, but there are a number of very good writers on the site, and the competitive scoring system seems to be enough to keep things interesting. There's a lot of garbage, too, but nothing forces me to read any of it. I've wasted almost the whole night reading articles at Hub. It's fun.

Pedophiles

Cell Phones Linked to Child Molestation

When I have kids, they're not getting a cell phone. They're getting a gigantic Korean War style two-way radio. Text messages annoy me to the nth degree as it is; you truly have no idea how happy it makes me to have a good, solid excuse to limit children I'm babysitting from sending text messages.

On the subject of pedophiles, I always find myself outraged when I learn of an older man preying on a female minor. But when I learn of the opposite happening--say, a 25 year old woman soliciting sex from a 14 year old boy--I don't really have the same, gut reaction.

I don't believe in innate evil, which probably plays a big part in this discrepancy. When a man takes advantage of a young girl, there is a significant amount of physical trauma involved. Penetrating a girl that young--especially since we live in a society where the girl knows damn well that something bad is happening--would be exceedingly painful to the girl, and would probably cause bleeding. There is a huge risk for pregnancy, which in turn leads to all those moral issues about abortion, and all the risks associated with teen pregnancy. When a man does this to a girl, it complicates her life, causes her pain, and then the girl has this dark secret burdening her -- she'd be afraid to tell anyone, because part of her would believe she was at fault. When someone finally finds out, there's a huge hullabaloo, reporters, angry parents, and blog posts. Blog posts are always the worst. Serious.

But I just can't feel the same outrage when it happens to a boy. When I was 14, I spent most of my time hoping my PE teacher would drag me into a dark closet and have her way with me. I can't imagine other boys that age are wired much differently. I know that wanting it doesn't make it right. But somehow, because of the child's gender, I feel like it is less of a crime. (Unless the child is sodomized. Then we're right back to outrage.)

It's a strange hypocrisy I harbor.

Writer's Strike

The writer's strike really puts my life into perspective. I have to work two jobs to support my writing, like it was some sort of bad habit. The writer's on strike actually support themselves with their writing.

Clearly, I am doing something wrong.

Being Unpopular, Sadly, Is Not An Impeachable Offence

George McGovern at the Washington Post is calling for us to impeach George Bush. Lots of people in the blogging world and on forums are pointing out that Bush can't really be impeached because he hasn't technically committed a crime.

Why let that stop us, America? If you can't expose a criminal because he hasn't committed a crime, just do what they did in the old days: hang him. Heft up your torches! Distribute the pitchforks! We're headed to the White House, and we mean to have us an old-style lynchin'!

Remember, America: George Bush Eats Fried Puppy-Dogs, Alive.

Forum Humor. Don't mind me.

If you're reading this blog, obviously, you adore me. Which means you like the things I like, or else you want to know what I like so that you can like it too. You've always had great judgment like that.

Since you either like or want to like the Absolute Write forums, I'm going to give you a guide on how to read the forums and to quickly ascertain which threads are good, which threads are bad, and which threads are likely to have Orlando Bloom. (Hint: these threads will contain the word "Poll" in their title.)

I know what you're thinking, America: "I could just read the threads myself." No, no, no. See, you need me to tell you what to think. That's why you opened my blog. Now stop worshiping me long enough to learn the preferred method of browsing the Absolute Write Forums.

First off, skip all the way down to Share Your Work, where authors exchange critical writing advice with one another. Don't read any of the stories--the authors there want nothing more than to be left in peace, and none of them are really expecting any feedback. Instead, scan for threads with lots of posts. This usually means someone left a harsh critique and shattered some communist teenager's soul, forcing him to go all Genesis 19:26 on the critic. Guaranteed hours of fun! Expect at least one person to get banned, and six others to get some sort of warning.

Second, pop into the Politics forum. Check for posts with less than six replies, and insult the OP. I recommend something along the lines of, "Whoever you voted for, he must have sucked," or, "Why do you think that? Bart doesn't think that, you imperialistic dog." Whatever you do, don't read the forum rules, and absolutely do not read any posts from the mods, and whenever you see that an administrator or mod has posts, immediately jump in and flame the OP. In fact, go ahead and put all of the moderators and administrators on "Ignore." I'll wait.

Next stop, the Round Table, where authors swap miscellaneous writing advice. Immediately find one of my threads, or a thread I've posted in, and endorse it. No compliment is to big, no rep-point too mushy. By showing that you like me, the other posters will see your good taste and begin admiring you. Not as much as they admire me, but it's a start. Whatever you do while you're in the Round Table, do not contribute more than one line of text to any given thread. No one goes there to read.

Unless I post something.

After that, head over to the novel forum, and then, in a separate window, navigate to the search function. Find a thread asking any sort of question, and then search for keywords related to that topic in the Novel forum. Most questions have already been asked, so you can easily find one or six threads on the same topic. Find any related thread over two years old and then reply to it with the word "Bump." Then go back to the new thread, and say, "Geez, didn't you see the other thread about this? It's right under this one!" Bonus points if the mods merge your threads and then yell at you.

After that, you're on your own. I give you permission to read other threads and form your own thoughts--unless of course they go against my will in any way, shape or form. Remember the guidance I've given you here, and you too will someday become a forum legend.

But I'll still be legendyer.

Ron Paul from the perspective of a former supporter

If you cruise the internet a lot, there’s little doubt that you’ve heard about Ron Paul.

I saw his name on a big ad on someone’s blog that said, “WHO IS RON PAUL?” which, of course, drove me to click on the ad, as I thought Ron Paul had retired. I didn’t know much about Ron Paul other than the fact that he was a former US congressman and a doctor, two positions I hold in great esteem.

I read Ron Paul’s website---it was the same as any other website. Then I listened to him a few times on youtube. Everything he said made sense to me. Nevermind that I didn’t agree with him about abortion, and nevermind that I didn’t agree with him on a few economic issues. I said to myself, “here is an honest politician telling it how it is.” I was swept up in Ron Paul mania for some six odd months, sporting a gigantic VOTE FOR RON PAUL banner in my signature over at AbsoluteWrite.com, telling all of my friends about him—the works. I hadn’t been this worked up over a politician since Cthulhu.

And then a writer that I deeply respect, William Haskins, started pointing me towards some of the things Ron Paul had written in the 90’s. White supremacy, racism, anti-Semitism, anti-gay rantings and psychotic theories about an evil US government filled pages upon pages of scanned PDF files of something called The Ron Paul Political Report.

At first, I believed that it was false. That someone had made the whole thing up to incriminate the beloved Doctor and hurt his election chances. Then I remembered that I don’t do the whole conspiracy theory thing, so I said, “Maybe Ron Paul wasn’t the author.” I tried to rationalize what I was reading.

After two days of solid thinking, I realized that it didn’t matter if Ron Paul had written those articles or not. He had his name on them, they were written in the first person, and they made homey references to his family, especially around holidays. Ron Paul is completely responsible for the content of those newsletters.

He lied to me, and he is lying to every single member of the “Ron Paul Revolution.” Ron Paul, I am pissed at you, and I will be until you accept responsibility for what you wrote, issue a public retraction and apology, and, oh, what else? Stop taking campaign funds from freak'n Nazis?

Needless to say, Ron Paul has forever lost my vote and earned my deep disgust.

For those of you who support Ron Paul in spite of his previous writings---it is very possible that he’s a changed man, after all---please take a closer look at Ron Paul’s message.

He wants to dismantle large portions of the government. That is one of his major platforms! He talked about getting rid of the IRS and a bunch of other federal departments on the Colbert Report. I’m no fan of the IRS, but I know damn good and well that it would take an act of congress to do something like that, and Ron Paul does not have a mandate from congress.

Ron Paul, like all the other candidates, is promoting the 2008 keyword: change. Everyone wants to give us change when they step into the Oval Office. I’m OK with change. But it has to be good change, it has to be realistic change, and it has to be change that represents what the majority want. Most Ron Paul supporters support him because of what they don’t want. They don’t want to be taxed, they don’t want liars in office, and they don’t want a weak economy. There are other people supporting Ron Paul for the same reasons, I’m pretty sure most of you won’t like them. That link goes to a white supremacist group’s news page. You’ve been warned.

If you support Ron Paul and you’re reading this, ask yourself what it is out of his campaign that you do want. And maybe, just maybe, ask yourself why Neo Nazis are embracing Ron Paul’s message.

Americans Aren't Represented, says Lou Dobbs

I'm back! And I have oodles of free time, oh joy.

Lou Dobbs appeared on yesterday's edition of The Daily Show and stated that American citizens are not represented.

That's a huge statement, especially considering we live in a Republic. The sad part is that what Dobbs said is true. So what's wrong with the country? Why aren't we getting representation?

Some people would have us believe that there is a conspiracy amongst the elite to keep the average Joe down and to keep the elite, wealthy portion of society in power. I'm not one for conspiracy theories. I was involved with the Masons for a while and believe you me, if those guys were ruling the world, we'd know about it. No, there isn't a conspiracy to keep the poor man down. The truth is a heck of a lot simpler.

Americans only vote once every four years. That's the problem, that's the entire problem, and by the time I'm done ranting, you'll know how to fix it.

Come election year, so many Americans feel like they're forced to choose between the lesser of two evils (and the independent guy who is just there to siphon votes) that they become apathetic. Why bother voting when none of the candidates represent your view on the world? Makes sense to me. Except most people don't realize is that this problem is self-perpetuating.

If you're apathetic about politics because no one represents you, so you don't go out and vote (except maybe when they're picking one of the leaders of the free world, because that's kind of important), and guess what? Everything is going to stay the same. In the end, it all boils down to what's happening in local politics.

Presidential candidates aren't demons, nor are they vampires. They weren't born in pods, conjured from summoning circles, nor were they produced in a factory. Every single, solitary presidential hopeful has a history in local politics. They're former mayors and current senators and congressmen. They've spent decades in the political system.

And it's very likely that most Americans don't even hear these people's names until they declare their candidacy. Now we're at the root of the problem.

See, if the average joe doesn't get out there and vote for his mayor and his governor and his senator, that only leaves two groups of people who are going to vote on the local level. The wealthy elite and special interest groups. The wealthy know that the system works towards their favor, so they keep tabs on the political world, occasionally get involved in a scandal, and throw votes for the guys who're going to make them more money. Then the special interest groups do the same thing.

When a person is elected primarily by the wealthiest 2% of a city and special interest groups, that means you've got an elected official who represents a minority. That's bad, just so we're clear. But, you know, he's just filling some local office, right? What impact could he possibly have? (Note the sarcasm.)

Then, after a decade or so, you've got a gigantic pool of professional politicians who were voted all the way up into congress by a minority. So why is it a huge surprise that the average American isn't represented by his government? And why is it a surprise that none of the presidential hopefuls reflect nothing but the ideals of two political parties? The average american doesn't vote until the president is about to be picked. Once every four years, he lumbers away from the internet, his television shows, his constant 24 hour entertainment, his average blue-collar job, and his moderate viewpoints to cast a vote for someone that he, in all likelyhood, wouldn't cross the street to meet.

And then he goes back into hibernation until voting day comes, and he's VERY upset that the candidate that won didn't actually ride into the oval office on a rainbow of change. That the person who was president for four years didn't give a damn about the average American because the average American only voted for him in one election.

If you want to be represented, you've got to pay attention to local politics. Make it a hobby. Know who's running for mayor, know their stances, know the local issues. Write to a newspaper, write to a congressman, and then VOTE for a congressman.

And before you know it, the average Joe will have the representation he so craves.